If

I asked myself 5 if this morning, I’ve got my answer.

I dreamt that I had an indian boyfriend yesterday who is a superman~ Lame right? And with my Indian boyfriend, I was looking for him. But that Indian boyfriend of mine was really very charming that I want to fall back asleep right away when I woke up. I slept till 4pm this afternoon, when I slept 3am last night. 13 hours. I wonder how I sleep that long. I was very tired yesterday, very tired, that I forgot to take out my contact lenses.

Dreams keep you dreaming, Reality keeps you awake. Which one is better? More dosages of reality or more dosages of dreams. I want to run away from somethings, I was reminded alot yesterday.

I’ve decided to bring two ear plugs to school next semester, or maybe invent a filter. Buy a good headset, Blast the music. There are lots of things keeping me busy.

Things you said, touched me alot, yet I don’t want to think so much into it. Is it like what happened years ago, that I’m running away from it, or I’m just too afraid now. I don’t know. It really doesn’t make any difference. I’m 21 next year. My last battle. I’m not letting myself to get distracted anymore. Wait if you can, find a better one if you can, I won’t blame you. I’m just not taking any risk for my future anymore, it’s poison to anyone.

I once worked and studied, I took an excuse to leave work. I know it was on my selfish side that I want to have more time for him. No, I didn’t regret. I just felt it was silly of me.

Life wasn’t just about me again. It’s about people around me. The things they’ve done everyday, even it’s not for you. Part and parcel.

I want this, and that. Can you fulfill this and that? Do you know what I want for this and that? What is this? What is that? Do you know their meanings? This for now. That for future.

I’m materialistic, that’s the truth.

I miss you

I really miss you.

Things changes, don’t they? I intend to sell off my phone, I don’t know if I should. I just feel I don’t need such a good phone now. Previously it was for the sake of the hp industry. Now? nah, I don’t need.

And Joan, I need you help me with livejournal, I think I suck at it.

Clothes or accessories or minimico, I don’t know. Big headache to me. I know there are alot things I want to bring in, kill me. Happened to know that chinese new year falls on valentine day next year. So happy chinese new year and valentine together. Time is money.

I never touch dota the whole of yesterday. Claps for me. What did I do? Amaths. Today? Amaths. but abit buay tong. Going to dota in awhile. No more episodes to stop me from dota already. ;( </3

Breathe

I will always remind myself to breathe. I’ve been listening to the piano music baby gave me the last time I went to her house. <3 it since secondary school days. It never fail to bring my mood back to normal. Bad tempers, raging much more frequently. Where is the angel who has learnt how to control her temper well? She’s missing. I really cannot control my temper now. It’s just like before, I want myself back. Maybe this is me. I don’t want the current tempers and mood. Cannot imagine huh? I cannot believe it myself too. Someone asked, what are you doing during the holidays, where did you go? I replied, Cambodia, home, home, home and home again…

Sometimes, I’m sick of different people asking me the same question, and you are telling them the same answers over and over again. So next time, if someone ask me that question, I’ll just say IDK.

I really did make it. Through and through. I wanted to say I’m not really happiest making it through, yet grateful the feeling is, I’m surviving. I need someone to teach me how to smile again, a better one.

Yet, I’m grateful for the memories. Something good or bad about me, whatever happens today, I’ll just forget about it tomorrow. That’s why I can’t be angry with anyone for long. It’s something hateful at times to me. I’ll keep all the good ones, as if nothing happened. I wish all the best for you and your partner.

You changed and scared me alittle, you seems trying to stand further from me. I’ve never experienced such distance from you since I know you years back. The first time I felt the distance, the first time I felt yeah, you changed.

You are not the one, yet you make me smile so much. You made me happy I know. I knew it very well. Please don’t cling onto it too much, it’s not healthy. I said, I’ll find a better someone to make me smile, but hai, I have a thousand things in mind that I couldn’t speak. I need a better diary, when I can speak my mind.

Don’t bother, every paragraph is talking about different people, every word comes from my heart. Even the sentences show how sensative I am, just ignore. I’m just letting go of whatever I’m feeling right now. How does it feels like when you understand? I watch finish Hi,mysweetheart in  a day, and another drama also. I also want a dumb boyfriend in Hi,mysweetheart to bully! BULLY BULLY BULLY~

As I watch, reminds me of different people. Brought me back to the past, years to months. One after another. I’m not really bothered, I’m just a deep thinker.

And oh ya, one day when I was sitting on the train with baby, I was looking around, and I saw a girl’s side view look damn like pearlyn, reminds me of her secondary school face. Pearlyn’s expressions in secondary school flooded my mind when I look at the girl. Then I turn to baby and joke with baby, eh, that girl look like pearlyn’s sister leh. Baby turn and took a look. She exclaimed, : ‘ REALLY IS PEARLYN SISTER!!!’

Sam

I love you <3

I love bobbi brown gel eyeliner~

I onced used my sis Bobbi Brown Gel eyeliner and wow~ I LOVE IT~ Gonna buy it next time I’m out to town. <3

Mama is coming home to scold me LOL

yeah, she is. haha.

I just dota with kyle this morning, halfway through the game, I saw hi angel, lol, ken woke up already. Konan in his room playing xbox.  I don’t know why, I like this 3 brothers. The things they do maybe a little crazy, they made ur day, really. Yesterday we were playing one game, and me the 3 brothers and 1 public. Don’t know what the public do, the 3 brothers keep kp him. I was the peacemaker, ask everybody to shut up and play! Then the public ji tao comment one things about girls dota chui something, meaning he wanted to say the 3 brothers are girls and their skills chui, but he didn’t know I’m a girl. So the three brothers was like ORH, U SAYING HOST!!! ANGEL U SEE HE SAY GIRL DOTA BLAH BLAH BLAH…  Starting I see that comment also quite angry, I played along with the quarrel. Then the person was like nononono, not talking about you host. Kyle, ken, konan keep adding on to the fire. At that time I was already owning the game by 15 kills ler. Say Girls chui? HUR!

;D

I’m just too forgiving, I really am.

I saw Amelia at compass yesterday. And she offered to fetch me home, so I said okay. On the way, she ask the kids, why didn’t you guys ask yiyi if she wants to go our house and play the new wii games. The kids were like YESH YESH YESH! How could you say no in this kind of situation, tell me?

When I reached their house, I on the computer and downloaded skype for them, so that they can webcam with their grandma next time. Then after downloading, was talking to junwei on skype, enen keep reading the messages out loud. Then enen asked, who is junwei? Your boyfriend? I didn’t answer, but she kept asking. I said no, then where’s ur boyfriend enen? Where’s Andrew? Edward? Admad? She give me those shy and sealed mouth look.

After that, played wii with them, until jw say joan wj want go out watch new moon. Then happy happy go borrow makeup from jiejie prepare to go out. Before going out, guide enen on her comprehension and close passage. KINDERGARDEN ONLY. DOING COMPREHENSION. OH GOD. What was the word I saw yesterday? ‘Extremely’ ‘Introduce’ Still got alot of words, I see ler I shocked. Then called joan before going out, and those fuckers tell me not meeting already!!! Then enen overheard and was over there YEAH!! YEAHH!! YEAHHH!!! Jumping about the living room. Then we start our wii spree until didi selfish play alone. Then me and enen keep ganging up bully him, wahlao didi how can u play alone. didi SELFISH! SMELLY BUFFALLO!!! Until one point I very dl, I tell didi, one more game and u still play alone, I go find your mummy already. Then didi laugh laugh, go lor, sibeh gl. I ji tao stand up walk towards my sis room, nigel ji tao cry and chase after me and pull me back. Then en started to ask me stay at her house for the night, but I don’t want to, so around 10pm, her mama say stop to all games, and en know I really not staying and going home, she CRY. I was like shocked and abit frightened by that. Me and my sis look at each other like, huh? We look at each other and laughed. Then enen came sitting on my leg sobbing badly, I want you to stay. I act act cry with her, I want to go home~ Then both keep repeating, I want you to stay, I want  to go home. Until her mama ask her STOP IT! But super tiring, the two kids keep jumping on you . One on your back, one at the front, doing their usual favourite swing when they were still toddlers. Though nigel was naughty, but I still love both of them.

And Natalie, she got angry with me because I played sky-high with her ;( Nigel likes it, Natalie doesn’t like it. She gave me the pouted face all day long. Crazy the thought is, but I want a baby of my own to carry all day long, sing her to sleep, play with her. ;D

I’m training this hero, found a new built yesterday, I didn’t expect to play that build, but it turned out well. Tanker + Killer. 2nd round tried that built again, but didn’t manage to farm fast enough. Farming~

Almost done with the new blog ;D

One good thing

I slept early at 1.00am yesterday night and woke up early this morning at 6.00am. Just eaten my bread and milo. I think too used to having breakfast. I shyted 3 times yesterday, I think it was to clear my past 2 weeks waste LOL. Shook my butt, stretch my arms and legs, feel so shiok to be at home. <3

I told my mum

I told my mum what happen, she was angry when she heard what I said. Well, I already said. I only enjoy teaching the kids, scenery, cambodia. Other than that, I had an unenjoyable 2 weeks trips there. Not because of the country. Because of the some people there which make it so disgusting. Its really so sad they can’t see this. I’m not smiling nor laughing, because I really don’t have the mood to smile or laugh. I want to drink, please bring me out and drink. KNOCK ME OUT~ I’m really so upset this 2 weeks. I can’t vent any of my fustration, I know it will affect everybody. Hai, I’m finally back, when I saw mama, I was soo happy. Bought beer for papa, and Lancome to share with mama. I saw my longchamp bag my sis bought for me from europe <3 it.

I mean what I say, it’s already past, and he’s not even worth a friend. Imagine how angry I am, imagine how I pass my time. My stares, my atitude are not just for that moment. Sometimes, it’s just leftover respect I’m giving you. I can be tolerant in the past, but now, there’s none as there are no likes for you. You never bothered to treat someone sincerely before. Feel bothered? Or just the usual heck care attitude? Think about how you talk to a person everytime, people like and praise you, because they don’t know you. OR I’m just that unlucky to meet you MR.GOOD.

ANOTHER ONE is my 2 fucking room mate. One almost everytime keep touching my butt, use her head lie on my butt, or keep spanking my butt. SIBEH IRRITATING. ANOTHER ONE SUPER AP. KNNB CB. FKING 2 HEADED SNAKE.

AND ONE FUCKING TEACHER, I used to respect her so much, but over the yep thing, every single respect is gone. Able to find excuse for everything, nevermind lor, I’ll find every excuse to push off everything also. An eye for an eye. I have no longer have patience during that two weeks to handle every nonsense you guys give me. You give me nonsense I return you another. She is so not tactful at handling issues.

OKAY FA XIE FINISH. Really nonsense, I don’t care how nonsense I am over there, that was all revenge. I need to keep all my temper down already. Really all coming back. thx for calling me this afternoon xiaofen.

I really did it.

I really did it.. After so many months, I really did it..I no longer have anything for you. Glad , more than glad. Maybe thx to heaven that I overheard those of what you said, really thanks.

come back then blog.. here super laggy